From Motivation to Adoption: The 7 Stages For Lasting Change
Growth isn’t just something we talk about in therapy rooms, most likely it’s something you’re living right now. Maybe you’re feeling stuck in a relationship, restless at work, or simply ready to feel more like yourself again. Wherever you are, this guide is an invitation to pause, take stock, and choose one small next step. Below, I’ll share a simple framework, the Seven Stages of Growth, that I’ve observed in my practice and life. Use it as a map, not a mandate: notice where you are today, and let that inform where you go next.
Growth Isn’t a Straight Line
Over the many years, I have been intrigued with all of the different elements involved with human growth. Patients, family, friends, and colleagues have asked me what my own views are about how growth happens. This article is an attempt to consolidate my own experience with growth and what I have noticed in general – both in my practice and personal life. I hope you find the following helpful in your own journey.
First and foremost, growth is, by design, a messy process. It is a rhythm, a dance, and a cycle that we repeat throughout our lives. At times, growth is subtle, like a quiet shift in perspective.
Other times, it feels bold and seismic, like crossing a significant threshold into a new chapter.
No matter the scale, growth follows a pattern that is both universal and deeply personal. I call this framework The Seven Stages of Growth. These stages remind us that transformation is not just about reaching an end goal but about honoring the journey itself.
When you understand these stages, you begin to see that growth isn’t about perfection. It’s about movement; sometimes forward, sometimes sideways, and sometimes circling back. Each step, even the difficult ones, has meaning and value.
You don’t need to force yourself through these in order. Read the brief descriptions, notice what sounds like you today, and choose one small next step. Growth is cyclical, not a straight line.
As a gentle reminder: You can’t control others’ choices, only your own. Staying in your lane lowers stress and clarifies where to begin. You don’t have to manage anyone else’s growth process, only your own and your next step.
A note for couples, friends, and family: It’s common to be in different stages at the same time, and that’s okay because that is how growth normally evolves. For example, you might feel ready for Action while your partner or friend is still in Curiosity. Naming that difference out loud lowers tension and prevents the “keep up with me” pressure that strains relationships.
You don’t have to move in lockstep to move together. Agree on one small, shared step that respects both timelines (for example, “Let’s each try one experiment this week and compare notes Sunday”). Protect connection over synchronization; listening well beats pushing hard. When in doubt, return to the above gentle reminder and agency reframe above: you can’t control someone else’s pace: only your response and your next step.
Stage 1: Motivation
One of the things we know from learning theory is that growth often begins with dissatisfaction or longing. Something inside whispers or sometimes shouts that the way things are isn’t quite working or could be working much better or in a new and different way.
Maybe you’re frustrated in a relationship.
Maybe work leaves you unfulfilled.
Maybe a health scare jolts you awake.
Motivation is often born from discomfort, but it also contains hope, the hope that life could feel different than it does today.
How it feels. A tug to change alongside a little doubt. You may notice restlessness, a flash of clarity in the middle of an ordinary day, or the thought, “I can’t keep doing it this way.” That’s your system asking for relief and direction.
Why it matters. Motivation is the spark that gets you moving, but it’s also fragile. When you name what’s driving you (relief from pain, desire for peace, deeper connection) you give that spark oxygen and a path. Clarity reduces friction.
Try this. In one sentence, finish: “I’m ready to change because…” Put it somewhere you’ll see: your notes app, calendar, bedside. Let it be simple and true. When your energy dips (and it will), return to that line as a compass, not a whip.
Stage 2: Curiosity
Once motivation takes root, curiosity begins to bloom. This is the gentle, “What if I tried…?” stage.
Curiosity doesn’t demand immediate action; it invites possibility. You might:
How it feels. Lighter, a bit playful, with room to wonder. You catch yourself noticing small alternatives: a book you’ve been meaning to read, a different route on your walk, the way someone you respect handles conflict. There’s interest without pressure.
Why it matters. Curiosity is the bridge between wanting change and practicing it. It lowers defensiveness, widens your options, and makes learning feel safe. Embracing the wisdom of not knowing requires humility, and that humility is a reliable marker of intelligence and growth.
Try this. Give yourself seven days of gentle exploration. Pick one low-stakes experiment (read a chapter, jot a few lines in a journal, ask a trusted person how they navigated a similar season) and let the idea marinate. No verdicts yet. Your only job is to notice what draws you in and what doesn’t.
Stage 3: Exploration
Exploration is curiosity in motion. You’re no longer just imagining, you’re testing.
It can look like signing up for a class, attending therapy, engaging in conversations with trusted people, or trying a new routine. Exploration is often messy because it involves trial and error. Fear of failure is normal here.
Think of it like dipping your toe in the water or diving headfirst. Both approaches are valid.
How it feels. A mix of energy and nerves. Some days you’ll feel encouraged; other days you’ll wonder if any of this will stick. Expect uneven results and the occasional backslide. That’s all part of learning, not a verdict on you.
Why it matters. Exploration turns insight into data. When you try things, your body and brain give you clear signals about what helps and what drains you. Those signals (not perfection or getting it right or having all the answer now) are what guide the next step.
Try this. For the next week, run two low-stakes experiments. Keep them small: a single session, a single conversation, a single new habit. After each, jot two words in your notes app: energizing or draining. Let that simple feedback shape what you keep, adjust, or drop.
Stage 4: Courage
Here’s the truth: fear doesn’t vanish when you’re growing. This is why courage matters. Experiencing our understandable fears is precisely why we need our courage.
Courage means acting in the presence of fear. It’s:
Having a hard conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Leaving a job that no longer fits.
Every act of courage builds confidence, not because you feel fearless, but because you did it anyway...in the face of your fear. My own experiences working in a combat zone helped me understand this basic life lesson.
How it feels. Uneasy, alert, a little exposed. Your mind may rehearse worst-case scenarios while your body speeds up. That’s a normal nervous system doing its job. Courage isn’t the absence of those signals; it’s the decision to carry them with you.
Why it matters. Action teaches the brain that discomfort is survivable. Each rep turns fear from a wall into a doorway. In my Critical Incident Response work, even in combat zones, the lesson was consistent: steady, purposeful steps calm the system and restore a sense of agency.
Try this. Pick one courageous step you can complete in 10 minutes or less: send the email, request the meeting, schedule the therapy appointment. Write a single sentence to anchor you—“This matters because…”—then take the step before you negotiate with yourself. Momentum is medicine.
Stage 5: Action
Growth requires more than one brave step. It asks for sustained action. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Action rarely looks perfect. It’s a series of starts, stops, adjustments, and recalibrations. Some days you’ll move forward with ease; other days, you’ll stumble. That’s okay.
Action gets easier when you stop trying to control every single outcome and focus on the next right move.
How it feels. Busy but uncertain. You’re doing the thing while a part of you wonders if it’s “right.” Plans change, life interrupts, motivation dips. Expect resistance to show up here; it often does when change gets real.
Why it matters. Repetition rewires the brain. Small, consistent actions create evidence you can trust, and evidence becomes confidence. Celebrating even the smallest wins teaches your nervous system, “This effort counts,” which keeps you engaged long enough for change to stick.
Try this. Pick one daily behavior that takes five minutes or less, and track it for a week. Each time you follow through, name it out loud: “That was a win.” Add one sentence of steady self-talk: “Progress, not perfection.” Those small acknowledgments compound into conviction.
Stage 6: Conviction
With time, repeated action leads to conviction. Effort gives way to ease.
You’re no longer forcing yourself to set boundaries, you simply do it. You don’t have to talk yourself into healthier habits (for example) because they’re now part of who you are and how you choose to live.
How it feels. Quieter, steadier. There’s less drama and more follow-through. You may notice pride that isn’t loud, it’s just earned. You feel like, “This is me now.”
Why it matters. Conviction locks in identity-level change. Your brain has fresh proof to trust, so decisions cost less energy. That frees attention for relationships, work, and rest.
Try this. Take five minutes to look back over the last month. Jot three specific ways you show up differently now, and one ripple you’ve noticed (better sleep, calmer conversations, clearer priorities). Let your self-awareness strengthen the story you’re living. Positive self-talk belongs here. It’s simple and honest: “I keep my word to myself.” This grounded confidence prepares you for the final stage: adoption.
Stage 7: Adoption
Finally, growth that is supported by high conviction becomes adoption. This isn’t a finish line; it’s the point at which your new pattern feels integrated. It’s less “something I’m doing” and simply “this is how I live now.”
Adoption isn’t the end of the story. Over time, new motivations will surface, and the cycle begins again.
That’s the beauty of being human: growth never really stops. The desire to grow helps you to realize more of your own true potential. It requires self-examination and the desire to grow.
How it feels. Natural, lighter, and largely drama-free. You don’t need many pep talks to keep the habit; it runs in the background while you focus on what matters most.
Why it matters. Adoption frees up energy. When healthy choices are automatic, your attention returns to relationships, work, rest, and purpose. You’ve built a foundation you can trust even when life gets loud.
Try this. Mark the milestone. Name one way life is meaningfully better because of the change you have made and share it with someone who cheered you on. Then set a gentle “maintenance cue” (monthly calendar reminder, brief check-in with a partner) to keep the groove smooth as new seasons and new stages of life arrive.
Rest & Replace
Progress needs recovery. Rest isn’t quitting; it’s where your nervous system resets and new patterns settle in. We don’t have to be forever chasing improvement—that’s cultural noise, not a clinical truth. Honor seasons of maintenance. And when you let go of an old habit, replace it with something restorative so the vacuum doesn’t pull you back: swap late-night scrolling for a brief wind-down, self-criticism for one specific appreciation, “powering through” for a rejuvenating 10-minute walk. When the quiet nudge of restlessness returns, you’ll be rested enough to begin again.
Growth as a Cycle
Again, growth is never a straight line. Just as it may begin with a quiet shift or a seismic change, the process itself moves in cycles – sometimes forward, sometimes looping back.
Each stage of growth has something to teach us, whether we are just beginning to feel the spark of motivation, standing courageously in action, or settling into new patterns that feel natural.
Wherever you are in your own growth cycle, I encourage you to honor the stage you’re in. There’s no need to rush. Growth is not about perfection or speed; it’s about learning to meet yourself with honesty and compassion and allowing the process to unfold.
If you find yourself struggling with where you are right now, or if you’d like guidance as you navigate your own path of growth, I am more than happy to offer a free 15-minute consultation. Together, we can explore whether therapy may be a good fit to support your next steps.