Couples Counseling
In this section I offer an overview of the various types of couples counseling I offer.
Note: In the next Services section, I offer a few more details about Pre-Marital and Marriage Counseling.
Why consider couples counseling? It’s simple. Even in the very best of relationships, things may not always go the way you hope or planned. One or a combination of life circumstances may have brought one or both of you to the point where you’re tired of arguing. Feeling resentful. Sad that you don’t feel heard. Feeling defensive. Overwhelmed. Withdrawn. Isolated.
These are the times in a couple’s history when it may be difficult to establish and sustain love, much less allow for love to grow and flourish with your partner.
If you are here, then this may be one of those times.
If both of you are willing to look beneath the surface to see what is creating the distance, then there is a better chance of understanding why one or both of you are unhappy, and where to go to from here.
Sometimes, family and friends can be very helpful and supportive during those challenging times when things are not going well between you and your partner. Sometimes you may need more.
Research has shown that couples counseling can be helpful in clarifying what the issues are and how best to work them through. This is true whether you are dating, living together, engaged, or married.
Couples Counseling:
It might be that there is a specific issue that is troubling one or both of you. It could also be that some couples reach a point in their relationship when one or both may or may not be certain about what they would like as it relates to a possible future together.
Maybe you’ve been dating for awhile and one of you is happy with the way things are but the other person either wants to spend less time or make a deeper commitment such as seeing each other exclusively or possibly living together.
Couples counseling can help clarify what the issues are and explore what each of you wants, now and in the future.
If you are considering the next step and contemplating a life together then Pre-Marital Counseling might be something to consider.
Pre-Marital Counseling:
Perhaps your relationship has grown to the point where you are thinking about making a lifelong commitment. You might be recently engaged or thinking about it but feel some hesitancy or uncertainty….or just need a sense that this is the right decision for one or both of you.
In these situations, more and more couples are now seeking pre-marital counseling while dating or living together. This has been a growing trend for more than 20 years.
You might be interested to know that couples who receive pre-marital counseling and then married, have a 30 percent lower chance of divorcing.
It makes sense to do everything you can as a couple to build a strong foundation for your marriage before you exchange your vows.
Doing so can help you learn how to work on current problems before they become long-term stumbling blocks that could ultimately damage your future together.
Another way to look at pre-marital counseling is the same as you would about building a new house. You need to build a strong foundation first. Once your foundation is solidly built, then you can go ahead and finish your house. Building a relationship, is like a house in that way. When the psychological foundation is completed, you can both move in together with more confidence that you’re in a solid home together.
Some worry about counseling. They believe that it only focuses on the negative. That's not true. While we need to look at what is not working and why, solely focusing on the negative is not productive. We also need to identify strengths in your relationship that we can build on.
My couples clients have also reported that pre-marital counseling helps them find out new, and sometimes hidden, wonderful things about their partner that they had never known.
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd have been interviewed several times and have praised just how much pre-marital counseling helped strengthen their own relationship. It just makes sense to give your marriage it’s best possible chance to have a great start.
Again, even in the best of relationships, there are going to be the inevitable choppy waters you will encounter. This is true for virtually all couples.
If you are already married, this is where Marriage Counseling can be helpful.
Marriage Counseling:
As with any counseling, success is often dependent upon the willingness of both partners to participate. If one partner is unwilling, new research shows that sometimes your marriage may still improve if one of you decides to go to individual counseling. That usually sends a message to your partner that help is needed.
Research also strongly shows that couples who are involved in marriage counseling tend to work better together and increase their chances of enjoying more successful marriages. Given that 49 per cent of marriages end in divorce, this alone is often a powerful incentive to enter marriage counseling.Overall, whether you are dating each other, living together, engaged, or married the basic principles and goals of couples counseling are the same.So, what happens once you decide to enter couples counseling?Working together, I can help you assess just where your relationship is. We’ll figure out what’s working and what’s not working. We’ll explore some of your history together so we can figure out why you arrived at this point in your relationship. We'll explores problem areas, your value systems, how you communicate, as well as your hopes, wishes, dreams, and desires.
Once the initial assessment is complete, we can then start to work on a game plan that fits the specific situation you are in so that you can achieve new levels of real, sustainable connection, love, and fulfillment that works for both of you.
While no therapist can ever guarantee an outcome, it has been my experience that those couples who love one another and are truly dedicated to working in couples counseling, can significantly increase the chances that their relationship can be saved and things can work out in ways that work for both of you. If not, I can help you navigate the most healing way to separate.
If any of this resonates for you, I invite you to contact me to see if I am a good fit in order to help both of you to create a better vision of what your relationship can look like.